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Originally published in: SAGE Journals Author: Sarah L. Trinh (Access to original article at the end of the post) You should enjoy being a female and not feel hindered by stereotypes and really enjoy your sexuality but do it in secret. Don’t be outward with sexual promiscuity.
—A 21-year-old student, on what her female friends told her about sex and relationships If you aren’t having sex within the first month, he is going to dump you. Guys like you based on how much you pleasure them. Guys are going to talk about things and joke about things with their guy friends. —A 20-year-old student, on what her male friends told her about sex and relationships From the passive, partner-pleasing ways of traditional femininity to the sassy, assertive sexuality portrayed in magazines like Cosmopolitan, divergent discourses regarding female sexuality abound. Emerging adulthood is a central time for young people to explore multiple cultural discourses outlining the norms of love, work, identity, and worldviews. For young women, explorations of love may be influenced by the purported “hookup culture” that emphasizes casual sexual encounters and sexual experimentation. However, young women’s sexual explorations may be complicated by traditional gendered sexual norms. For women, sex within long-term, romantic, committed, and heterosexual relationships is most aligned with traditional femininity and considered ideal, yet it contradicts the hookup culture that is widely portrayed in entertainment media and ingrained in the popular imagination. How do young women in college negotiate these potentially conflicting sexual discourses? Many undergraduate women turn to their friends to clarify sexual norms and to seek guidance for sexual decisions. Indeed, young women report having more frequent, comfortable, and open discussions about sex with their same-sex friends than with their mothers. Because young women frequently turn to their friends for advice on sex and relationships, reports of friends’ messages may highlight the ways in which women conform, challenge, and/or cope with multiple discourses. What do friends communicate to emerging adult women about sex and relationships? Friends as Sexual Socialization Agents Only a few studies to date have focused specifically on the role of friends’ sexual communications on emerging adult women’s sexual socialization. Yet research on friends’ sexual communications is warranted because friends play a multifaceted role in sexual socialization. Friends serve as advisers, referents, and informants, and they provide opportunities for young people to enact the sexual scripts that they learn. For example, 72% of emerging adults reported meeting potential romantic partners while they were spending time with their friends, and 69% reported that they or their friends have formed long-term relationships with their friends’ help. Even when friends are not present to facilitate connections between potential partners, emerging adults report turning to them after the fact. For example, 98% of emerging adults reported that it is typical to talk to their friends after a hookup. The functions of such discussions frequently entail providing support, advice, and validation. It is not surprising that the specific content of young women’s conversations with their friends varies greatly. For example, undergraduate women, on average, report many discussions about dating; occasional discussions about fertility, condoms, contraception, and sexual behaviors and feelings; and one-time discussions about abstinence. Similarly, found that undergraduate women reported minimal discussions about abstinence and more frequent discussions regarding positive sexuality (e.g., sex is fun) and the sexual double standard (e.g., unlike men, women who are sexually assertive, experienced, and unabashedly enjoy sex are typically perceived as promiscuous, immoral, and troubled). Sexual risks and dangers were rarely discussed; for example, frequencies of discussions regarding sexually transmitted infections and date rape averaged between “none” and “once”. Discussions about sex and relationships with friends are not only diverse, but they can also be divergent. For example, undergraduate women reported frequent discussions about the importance of romantic relationships and the acceptance of casual sex. Although the diversity of sexual topics and expectations in young women’s sexual conversations has been noted, few have examined how such messages may vary depending on who is communicating to whom. Survey research has typically overlooked or controlled for the gender of friends. Yet, ethnographic research demonstrates that same-sex friends, by and large, reinforce and regulate young people’s gender performances. Other-sex friends may play a critical role in sexual socialization too; young people believe that having other-sex friends affords unique opportunities to learn about the other sex and to meet more other-sex peers. In fact, the “other” perspective is featured regularly in popular women’s and men’s magazines, including Cosmopolitan’s “Ask Him Anything” column and GQ’s “Ask a Real Live Lady” column. Undergraduate women reported receiving more messages promoting abstinence until marriage and the importance of relationships from their female friends than from their male friends, and they reported that their male friends convey significantly more messages promoting recreational sex (Trinh & Ward, in press). Research on how female and male friends send different messages may highlight the ways in which women and men uniquely shape sexual socialization. Diverse and Divergent Gendered Sexual Expectations for Women The mix of sexual messages to women reflects the ongoing cultural evolution in sexual scripts. Traditionally, women are expected to be passive, pleasing, and relationally oriented described these gendered sexual expectations as a part of the “Heterosexual Script,” and labeled this type of femininity the “Pleasing Woman” discourse. These norms, however, may appear antiquated, given recent cultural phenomena promoting new femininities that emphasize empowerment, individualism, and achievement among girls and women. In contrast to the “Pleasing Woman” who is devoid of sexual desire and agency and filled with selflessness, described the “Together Woman” prototype as the “modern” woman who is self-reliant, assertive, and “entitled to accept nothing less than full equality and satisfaction in her sexual encounters and relationships”. How are these divergent discourses of femininity reshaping sexual scripts? Focus groups, interviews, and ethnographies have provided insight into young women’s understandings of complex and diverse gendered sexual norms, roles, and expectations. Navigating what it means to be a sexual woman is complicated by the fact that a woman’s sexuality is tied to her morality. From wearing a skirt that is “too short” to having “too many” sexual partners, any “misstep” may result in a woman being ostracized and labeled for promiscuity. It is not surprising that young women delineate numerous “rules” that regulate sexual and nonsexual facets of a woman’s life including dress, alcohol consumption, friends, decorum, and personality. Despite all the rules, it remains unclear how young women can actively and assertively pursue their sexual needs and desires without being stigmatized. The Current Study Because young women and their friends come of age during the same historical period, they are likely navigating similar social contexts and norms. Therefore, discussions among young women and their friends regarding sex and relationships may be particularly nuanced. What kinds of messages do undergraduate women report receiving about being or becoming a sexual woman? Is respectability via sexual gatekeeping still a major concern for women? How are women advised by their friends to pursue their sexual needs and desires? The present study explored undergraduate women’s reports of their male and female friends’ communications regarding sex and romantic relationships via three specific aims. My first aim was to document the prevalence of specific values regarding sex and romantic relationships in undergraduate women’s reports of friends’ messages. My second aim was to test whether reports of messages women heard differed between female and male friends. My final aim was to identify underlying themes in the sexual expectations undergraduate women face. ACCESS THE ORIGINAL LINK
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